What do you want? No, really. What do you want?
Believe it or not, many people have a hard time saying what they want. It’s not that they don’t know what they want. It’s just that most people can’t admit what they want. Maybe it’s a case of I-don’t-deserve-it. Or maybe it’s I-don’t-know-how-I-can-ever-have-it.
And even when people actually have something to say about what they want, often what they want are just really placeholders for something that their heart truly desires. I, for example, took five years to even admit to myself what I really wanted to create. At 25 years old, I thought I wanted to become an ultra-rich passive income earner who makes money even when she’s not working at her desk.
It took me three whole years after that before I decided to quit my 6-figure, 16-hour-per-day editorial job and become an affiliate marketer. But a year into building a website about something I’m not 100% passionate about—owing machines, you curious cat you!—I thought, “This is goddamned boring! I want to work on something I’m really passionate about.”
As you can see, what I’m passionate about is the Law of Attraction—learning how to use the power of my imagination to create my reality. Seriously, I can stay up all night talking about it and practicing new methods and techniques for upping my game.
That’s something I could build a business around.
But after listening to digital marketing gurus, doubts started creeping in. They said to build a business around something you’re good at. And, well, looking at my past decade of work experience, I guess content marketing was what I was good at. I mean, sure, I’ve become really good at using my manifesting powers for a lot of nice things. Free money, free travel, the relationship of my dreams, and a whole bunch of pleasant surprises coming in from every direction.
But when it comes to my one big thing, that thing that keeps me up at night, there was a lot of fear that went around that. Let’s be clear, though. You don’t have to have just one big thing. You can have as many big things as you like. I, for certain, have plenty of that cooking in my oven.
So maybe, I thought, I’d just build a content marketing business. After all, that’s what I was good at, right? But a stubborn part of me kept saying, “Well, what about all this Law of Attraction stuff you have sitting unused in a huge pile in a corner of your mind? Don’t you want to build a business around that?”
So I decided to offer content marketing services to people who were teaching Law of Attraction. I thought that would make a good compromise. Like a stray kitty hesitant to approach a potential master, I did what the gurus said while still persistently hanging on by a thread to that part me that knew what I wanted.
Because you see, what I really wanted wasn’t a successful business at all. Okay, yes, I do want a successful business. But it isn’t the power and money and the conventional trappings of success that I am after. Because if that was all that I really wanted, I could’ve been making boatloads of money with my rowing machine website and be diving into the clear, blue waters of Coron right now.
But it wasn’t. And I wasn’t content peddling around content marketing services to life coaches and spiritual teachers who knew they didn’t need content marketing services either.
I just wanted an avenue where I could freely talk about how to use our personal power to create our reality and be with people who are just as interested in it as much as I do. I just wanted to be able to freely express myself. The money and all the things it can buy? It’s super-duper nice. I love me a lot of that. But life still feels incomplete without the thing I want the most from it.
And that is, I want to be me—a loving, beautiful, extremely passionate, sometimes weird in all the good ways, and sometimes over-excited soul who has so much light to share with the world.
That’s what I want.
And I guarantee you that what you want too isn’t really a ton of money, or a relationship with the man of your dreams, or a sexy body, or even a happy family, or a successful business. Usually, when I ask people what they want, they answer one of those. But those are simply placeholders for the thing they truly want.
So ask yourself these: Who do I truly want to be? What do I truly want to do? What do I truly want to have? And if anything feels shallow and surface-level at all, ask yourself the big question: WHY?
If it’s money that comes to mind, why do you want money?
If it’s a successful business, why do you want that business?
If it’s a happy relationship, why do you want that relationship?
And for every subsequent answer that comes up, just keep asking why until you get to an answer that really, truly feels like it came from the heart.
But how will you know?
Well, you just will.
But if you’re hard-headed like me and you insist on answer, here’s how you will know. You will feel your heart expanding. You will feel a genuine smile slowly lighting up your face until your face is so full of light you’ll feel like crying. And for many of you, yes, you will cry. You will feel your soul fluttering lightly like a butterfly because finally, finally, finally, you have admitted to yourself what you really want. And you will feel kind of a pulling motion towards that thing you desire the most, like you’re drawn to it by some invisible magnetic force. That is how you will know.
To be clear, what you want isn’t the physical placeholder. What you want is the feeling you will feel once the physical thing appears in your life. What you want is a specific vibration. A specific frequency. A specific state.
So, let’s say I want to build a successful business. Why? Because I want to make a lot of money on my own terms. Why? Because I want to be free to work when I want to, travel to places I want to visit, and do my own thing. I could have stopped there and said freedom was what I want. Warmer, but not quite there yet, so I continue to ask why.
Why? Because I simply want to be me. I want to express who I am. I want to show up as the wonderful, powerful, and beautiful being that I am. That’s it! That’s the thing I want the most. That’s what keeps me up most nights. That’s what makes me cry when I see in my mind’s eye myself doing this very thing I want to do.
Now, for some of you, you’ll be saying, “Well, that’s all well and good, but I can’t even decide what I want for lunch much less decide what I want for life.”
Look, I have this theory that all of us know what we really want. Honestly, you wouldn’t even be here if you didn’t know deep down what you want. Some people simply believe that what they want isn’t possible so they might as well not admit it even to themselves.
“Deep down, I know I want to study astronomy, but it’s too late to change careers, so I’ll just say I don’t know what I want.”
“Deep down, I know I would love to do something artsy and craftsy, but how will I make money out of it?”
“Deep down, I know I want to make money just by being me, but who I am is so boring I’m scared people I’d bore people to death.”
The result? They end up becoming bitter lamenting their belief that they don’t know what they want when, in fact, they do know what they want but are too scared to admit it.
But, but, but! Here’s the thing. You don’t have to pressure yourself to figure out what you want for life. You simply have to notice what you want right now. And then dig deeper and find out why you want what you want. Maybe, all you really want right now is to get out of the house and go to a fancy coffee shop. That doesn’t sound like much, doesn’t it? Until you start asking why.
Why do you want to go to a coffee shop? Because you’ve been at home alone for too long. Why? Because you’re tired of being alone and want to be around people. Some semblance of human contact even with strangers at a coffee shop is good. Why? Because you’re craving human connection, to feel like you belong, even if just for an hour or two. Why? And so on and so forth until you know you’ve hit the spot.
It’s simple but not always easy, but this is why you’re here, right? You’re a changemaker. Bold. Brave. And willing to open your heart to live a life that lights you up. Once you rediscover that one big desire that you know is hiding deep inside, let me know! Or not, if you simply want to bask in the private ecstasy of finally admitting what you want. It’s up to you.
I’m rooting for you, The entire Universe is.